I always struggle with the decision of how personal and honest to get in this space. I’m turning 30 next year, and I swear, the past 4 years have born some of the most tumultuous moments of my life. In that span of time, I moved across the country multiple times (Seattle to Philly, Philly to San Francisco), leaving a place that I considered to be home for the first time ever. I fell deeply, overwhelming in love. We’re talking a love that I never knew could be possible… and then that relationship ended. I was alone in a city I despised and totally overwhelmed by the thought of coping. I dealt with crippling depression, something I have alluded to, but not really written about in a detailed way here. For all these reasons, I am so very happy to say this next bit: It’s been a really, really tough few years and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m deciding for myself and only myself. I’m making my own decisions. I’m thinking of the bigger picture and making sure that it includes my vision, not anyone else’s. I’ve successfully made the shift to full-time freelance and it’s been great for me both personally and professionally. I am now solely working on my vision, no one else’s and I truly believe my passion shows more than ever before.
Right now, I am in Seattle for the first time in 2 years. Why? Because I’m contemplating what a move back to this gorgeous city would be like. I adore San Francisco, but I’ve not been able to personally settle down while there. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I am even meant to settle down… then I answer that question with an entire debate on what ‘settling down’ even means these days. I’ve still got lots of time left on my lease in SF and I’m still dealing with a few painful memories while I’m here, so this decision remains to be determined. Mostly, I just wanted to be honest about where my head is these days. And for all of you out there coping with depression and uncertainty, please know that you are not alone.