straight up girl talk // dating pt. 2

The last time we checked in, I’d shared a bit about the pitfalls (and fun) of online dating… and started sifting through some feelings I had started to develop about a guy I met. That was about 2 weeks ago and I’m excited to say that I’m still into this guy. Which, of course, is totally freaking me out. Or has been, until recently.

I guess I’ll start from the beginning.

I don’t do well in situations that contain ‘the unknown.’ I like to be in control, know what’s going on, have a say in the process. All of that. This means in the past I’ve rushed into things pretty damn quickly. I like to say that my spirit animal is a golden retriever — I love with my entire being and am fiercely loyal, maybe even to a fault. I’m also one of those people who wholeheartedly trusts her gut instincts and, usually, this works out well for me. I’m proud of how I’ve ‘been’ in past relationships and how hard I’ve worked to be open and receptive and loving, despite any previous baggage (for lack of a better word). Granted, those relationships haven’t worked out, but I try really hard to view each and every one as a unique learning experience that’s helped to shape who I am today. No regrets.

So alllll of that being said… I find myself wanting to rush into something rightthisminute with this new guy. You know when you meet someone and you just feel that flutter in the pit of your stomach over and over again? That’s a bit of what’s been going on. I’ll catch him looking at me in a specific way and my knees kinda feel a bit weak. Yeah, I’ve got it bad, ok?? Geez. And I so badly want to rush into things, have the ‘what are we talk,’ all of that. But there’s something in my mind, maybe even the voice of relationships past, saying to slow my roll. Get to know this human. Keep your wits about you. Stop ignoring your emails and responsibilities. Take it a day at a time and just enjoy his company. And, here’s the true zinger, enjoy the time when you’re away from him, too.

Here’s what that means: continuing to live my life with the tenacity and vivaciousness that I’ve had for the past few years, all on my own. No other person should ever define your existence or energy level. For a while during these past few weeks, not hearing from him would toooootally define the tone of my day. I’d be having a super awesome, productive, creative, amazing day… and then feel a knot in the pit of my stomach because I could count the number of texts from him on one hand. It felt like this insane emotional rollercoaster that was 100% self-inflicted. And all because I felt totally out of control, again 100% self-inflicted. It wasn’t a way to live and especially not a way to thrive. So I started to take back my life, my time — I’m climbing more and more, feeling super powerful and way more proud of my body. I take my dog to the park as much as I can, anything to catch the amazing sunsets that Seattle has been giving us lately. I’ve been reading like a fiend. Anything that sounds ‘good’ to me, I let myself do. After all, it’s my time to recharge and be with myself, so why not fill it with what I love doing, even if that’s sitting on my thrifted recliner and watching trashy reality tv. It all comes down to one realization: not every minute has to be spent with someone, even if you have a crush.

And the thing is, it’s working. I feel way more whole than before and I’m no longer losing my god damn mind because my phone isn’t constantly blowing up. I do sometimes wonder if I’ve just transferred my ‘dive in completely’ approach to something else, like climbing. Even if that’s the case, I’m sort of ok with it. I haven’t felt like I’ve had a hobby in a long, long time, so at this point it’s nice to just have dimension to my life again. Even as I write/think that thought, I realize how important dimensionality is to my life as a whole and just how much I’ve been lacking it in years past. I feel so much more.. grounded and having a crush honestly feels like the cherry on top of it all.

And, for now, that is more than enough.

Straight up girl talk // dating pt. 1 can be found here.

Photo via my Instagram.

Behind The Blog

Joanna Hawley-McBride is a Pacific Northwest digital influencer and former textile designer with an eye for beautiful things. Jojotastic is a lifestyle blog focused on Joanna’s work-in-progress home, interior styling, finding the best pair of underwear through #UnderwearThesis, and empowering women to explore nature — all in her signature unfiltered style.

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3 Comments

  1. 6.19.15
    Mariela Garcia said:

    Wow! I feel the same! Glad to know that it happens and you can get your brain back haha

  2. 6.1.15
    Joy Bela said:

    i can relate to this SO. MUCH. in fact, it kind of feels like you just highjacked my brain and wrote everything out for me. it’s so so easy to lose yourself when a new crush comes into the picture, but i’m trying really not to. we’re in this together!! xoxo

    • 6.1.15
      joanna said:

      i love comments like yours!! we are totally in this together and it feels so good to know that. thanks so much for commenting and stay tuned for more developments ;)