There are so many key components when you think about dating and what makes a relationship work or not. The one I want to talk about today is timing. For example, meeting someone and falling head over heels with him 3 weeks before you move across the country for a new job. Finally learning to wholeheartedly believe in love and trust someone and then having him break up with you a month later. Or meeting someone who goes north for the entire summer on a fishing boat.
That last one? Yeah, that’s the situation in which I find myself. (Actually, all of those examples have happened.)
As you may recall from the first post in this series (and the second, for that matter), I’ve found someone with whom I feel a connection. I’m into him in this kinda-scary, but also pretty-damn-awesome sort of way. And he’s leaving. We’ve only been seeing each other for a month and some change, so it’s not like there is a whole lot I can demand. From my perspective, I wouldn’t feel comfortable committing to someone I’ve known for a month. It’s too soon. So then where does that leave me/us? It’s a shitty situation and it’s stressing me out.
My first instinct is to throw my hands in the air and declare OF COURSE. As in… of course this would happen to me, something like this happens every time. Of course I meet someone who excites me and has captivated my attention and, of course, he has to leave. Story. Of. My. Life. I’ve been sinking into that feeling more and more. It’s not a healthy place and really isn’t doing a whole lot to soothe my upset.
Deep down, I know what I need to do: I need to talk to him, share my feelings. Because another key component is communication and, really, I know myself and I know I will regret it if I don’t tell him how I feel before he gets on that boat and leaves for 4 months. It would eat me up to know that I could have had the conversation, but didn’t… and that doing so over text message with spotty cell service is definitely not ok. I already know what I want to say, but it’s a matter of saying it.
My mind is all over the place, but there isn’t a whole lot I can do about his perception. Instead, I need to stay true to what feels most important to me: expressing my feelings to this man who I respect and really, really like. It’s a risk and definitely feels like it. I hate talking about my feelings and get really awkward and flustered when it comes time to actually do so. Like… my hands sometimes flap from the anxiety.
Then, once the conversation has happened and he’s gone, there is what’s leftover: the aftermath of these feelings within myself. It’s not a break up, but the thought of not talking to him and not seeing him for a while really makes me sad in a very deep place in my heart. I mean, what a bitch timing can be — I had just gotten started with someone I genuinely like. As I typed those words out, I let out a great, big sigh. That feels like the perfect metaphor for how I feel about this entire situation: sigh.
I don’t know what else to say on this topic at the moment, so I’m just going to leave it at this for now.
Read the rest of my Straight Up Girl Talk series here.
