omg i’m house hunting

That’s right, you guys… I’m in the market to buy my first home, something I never thought I’d say in this space. Ever since I graduated college, I’ve been a renter and a very transient one at that. I’ve moved across the country 3 times, but it didn’t stop there. There were years that I moved 3 times within a span of 12 months. Oh, and that time I lived in my car with my cat thanks to an insane roommate and showered at the office when no one was around. Let’s not forget about that.

So, the fact that I am starting the house hunting process feels… indescribable? I hate to use that word, but –boom– there it is. It’s also coupled with a bit of personal info that I’ve debated sharing in this space, but I’m gonna be brave: my dear, dear grandpa gave me the money when he passed away. There, I said it. The fact is that I got insanely, inconceivably lucky and I almost feel guilty about it. I don’t have this money because I scrimped and saved for years and years. Instead, it came in the form of a very generous gift and a message from my grandpa: it’s time to settle down. For years, he saw me struggling and moving, never quite feeling like I was in the right place. And every time we spoke, he directed me to keep going, but to pay attention to what felt right. Just one month before he passed away, I told him I was planning to move back to Seattle. He didn’t say much, but his eyes said ‘finally.’

omg i'm starting the process of house hunting and having some major feelings about it. thoughts on the blog: jojotastic.com

Here I am now, armed with a lifetime of his amazing guidance and his incredible gift to me. I’m meeting with my first real estate agent later today and the usual anxieties are creeping up — am I enough? Will I be taken seriously even if I have pink hair and tattoos? Is this just too big of an adult decision for me to make? Can I make this decision alone? It all feels… so much bigger than me.

I am so terrified of this process, it’s not even funny. And to do it alone? Oof.

omg i'm starting the process of house hunting and having some major feelings about it. thoughts on the blog: jojotastic.com

But here’s what is ringing true more than any anxiety I might have: I’ve always wanted a home, something that’s all mine and now this dream is a very real possibility. After all of the moving, all of the scrambling to find a place to live, all of the unknown, I’ve been given an incredible gift to get what I always wanted: my very own home. No more sociopath roommates, no more noisy neighbors, no more waiting for my heat to never get fixed. Instead, I can make it all my own and do what I actually need. This goes beyond inspiration boards on Pinterest; rather, this is more about that feeling of Never Having to Leave Again. Security. Stability.

That’s what this all means to me.

p.s. I plan to share the house hunting process with you guys, too. I have the feeling I’ll need your advice and encouragement as I muddle my way through this process! Be sure to stay tuned.

images via Jojotastic on instagram.