Being totally frank, I wasn’t sure if I should publish this post or not. There’s a fine line between being transparent and airing my family’s dirty laundry. But I conducted an Instagram poll and got a resounding YES that this is a topic you’re all wanting to hear about, so here we go. Here’s another disclaimer, too: I know that this is public and on the internet and will be seen by my family. I’ve reached a point where I simply don’t care. At the end of the day, I will always be transparent and open with my blog readers. You deserve nothing less. And, quite frankly, this is a conversation that needs to be held in the open so that more women can feel safe in setting boundaries while wedding planning.
I also asked the self-care coach with whom I’ve been working for the past 6 months to chime in. After all, she is the expert! So meet Tami Hackbarth. We’ll both be giving our take on what it means to set boundaries while wedding planning.
Why Setting Boundaries While Wedding Planning is Critical to Your Self-Care
Before we really dig into tips on maintaining your sanity while wedding planning, let’s talk about what actually happened. I re-wrote this soooo many times, debating how much to share, etc. I genuinely hope this doesn’t come across as stirring the pot or airing my family’s drama.
Recently, I found out that a family member doesn’t want to attend our wedding (which is in about 17 days). She doesn’t want to deal with the travel, with coming to the mountains, she can’t take the time off from work, etc etc. A decision wasn’t really made though, so it was all up in the air.
After taking a few days to think about it and talking it out with Sean, I felt that it was time for me to be the adult in the situation and make a decision. Aka it was time to set some freaking boundaries. Ultimately, we decided that this person was no longer welcome at our wedding. Our wedding is small, with only about 40 guests. If one person is a wet blanket, that could drag down the entire vibe of our special day. Not to mention that we don’t want to pay a caterer and chair rental company for a spot at the table for someone who can’t bother being happy for us. #justsayin
The fact that we un-invited a wedding guest blows my mind. You don’t go into the wedding planning process even thinking that’s a possibility… which is why I wrote this blog post. I can’t begin to describe the hurt, the utter shock, and the disrespect that I feel. But here’s the thing (and a big part of why I am sharing this TMI story with you): I am so damn proud of myself for declaring a boundary.
So anyways, let’s dig into some tips about setting boundaries for your wedding:
Remember what the day is supposed to be about… and don’t be afraid to remind others as well.
At the end of the day, our wedding is about Sean and me. We’ve shared quite an incredible journey together and we want to gather our favorite people in one place to celebrate it. Even as I get caught up in the other stress of planning a wedding, we are both so quick to remind each other the true meaning of the day. And knowing that makes all the difference in how we handle the stress.
Embrace saying ‘no’ and actually stick to it.
I am the actual WORST at this, but given this instance… I will 100% be sticking to my new rules. In general, I’m practicing saying no to things. It’s just really, really hard for me. I think the next tip helps a lot though. If I didn’t have Sean supporting and encouraging me, I don’t know if I’d be able to stick to my ‘no’ on some things.
Come up with a game plan with your fiancée.
Having Sean’s support through ALL of this has been the best part. I know that he will always have my back, but in the back of my mind I was worried that he thought I was overreacting or being too sensitive. He and I spent a lot of time talking about this after the initial phone call came through and reached a decision together. If you’re in a similar situation where you need to set boundaries while wedding planning, I urge you to get on the same page as your partner.
When all else fails, keep them busy.
When my coach, Tami Hackbarth, told me to do this during our last call, it sort of opened up a whole new world in my brain. The idea of delegating a task to someone who could potentially cause stress is freaking genius. Like, literally just keep them busy and, chances are, they will stay out of your hair. It’s amazing. While I won’t be using this particular bit of advice (or at least not yet?), I had to share it with you because it’s so true.
So, tell me: have you been through something like this? How did you handle it? Do you think I shouldn’t have published this post? I have a million questions for you.
Photography by Danfredo Photos + Films, used with permission.
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