straight up girl talk // dealing with disappointment

Guys… disappointment. How do you deal with it? I’m throwing out this disclaimer: I’m writing this post in the heat of the moment, a moment that finds me kinda pissed off, but also kinda let down because of someone else’s actions. I feel totally out of control in this situation because I can’t control anyone’s behavior — this is something I know, deep deep down inside me.

And yet… here I am wishing that I just freaking knew what was going on and that people would stick to their word and just freaking show up.

I absolutely hate flakiness. Abhor it, even. When I say I’ll do something, I damn well do it. I’ve always been this way, probably because I’ve experienced my fair share of disappointment throughout life’s ups and downs. The perfect example? The overwhelming disappointment I felt upon relocating across the country for a job that I totally thought was my dream gig… only to find out that it was the worst possible environment in which to put myself. In this example, of course it was up to me to extricate myself and move on (and I did… it took some time, but I freaking did it).

But what about disappointment in relationships? This is where it gets sticky for someone like me — I’ve got this intense flight response that I am constantly fighting. I struggle with just wanting to pick up and leave when faced with a challenge, especially in relationships. To me, it can feel borderline impossible to ‘get over’ the feelings of disappointment when I put my trust in a partner and they let me down, even if it’s something small like canceling plans at the last minute. I’m 30, I know my limitations. I know that I’m not a patient person and, for this reason, it’s really hard for me to forgive a small slight like flaking on dinner.

But here’s the thing… if I’m trying to make plans with you, I’m already putting in a lot of effort, effort that you may not even see. I offered to cook you dinner? This probably means that I spent most of the day planning the meal, grocery shopping, cleaning the apartment, shaving my legs and plucking my eyebrows. Hell, I’ve probably even washed my hair. All because I wanted that time spent with you to be important and lovely and just… nice. So when you cancel… it feels like a lot of wasted time on my part, a slight against me as a person.

The next question would really be, “well, Joanna, maybe don’t put so much effort into dinner.” To which I respond that is impossible. I’m a planner, a carer, a sharer. I want things to be special. This personality trait of mine drives me nuts, believe me. Instead, I’d really just like to be The Cool Girl, able to roll with the punches and not get bent out of shape if plans don’t pan out. I really, really want to cope with small disappointments rather than feeling like it’s the end of the world, feeling like I’m not a priority or important enough to warrant someone’s time — that’s where my mind takes it.

So given all of this… how do I deal with disappointment? I have not a goddamn clue, but it feels like something I need to explore more before it spirals into me being this miserable, trying-to-control-it-all beast who ends up always eating dinner alone.


More straight up girl talk can be found here.

Image via Instagram.

Behind The Blog

Joanna Hawley-McBride is a Pacific Northwest-based social media strategist, content creator, and former textile designer. Joanna is the founder and editor-in-chief of Jojotastic, a lifestyle blog focused on Joanna’s work-in-progress cabin, finding the best pair of underwear through #UnderwearThesis, and empowering women to explore nature — all in her signature unfiltered style. Her work has been featured in Domino, CNBC, and Eating Well.

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  1. 10.13.15
    Gabrielle Dolceamore said:

    I too would love to learn how to be one who rolls with the punches, but that isn’t a thing for some people. Just like planning and caring and sharing isn’t a thing for others. It’s sucky to flake on a coffee date or a dinner res, it’s a whole other ball game when you are flaking on someone hosting you at their home. But maybe I’m just old-fashioned too.

    • 10.13.15
      joanna said:

      cheers to being old-fashioned… i feel like someone’s gotta be!

  2. 10.13.15

    Yeah, I totally hear you. I’m very impatient myself so I suuuper hear you. Did you try saying anything to the person who flaked? I’m trying to be better about talking to people about things that bother me…even if they’re small…but daaaang, it sure is hard.

    • 10.13.15
      joanna said:

      i’ve been trying to be way more responsible and use my words, so hopefully that helps ;) glad to know i’m not alone, though!

  3. 10.12.15
    Erica said:

    I do the same thing. And very much one of the main reasons the last guy and i broke up. Sooo lmk when you figure it out! ;)

    • 10.13.15
      joanna said:

      ha! i’ll keep you posted ;)